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Social Sector
Feminine Identity and Sexuality
by
Caitie Sangalis
Our great-great-grandmothers dreamed of seeing their daughters and granddaughters stand side by side with men: equal in dignity, respect and achievement. Our culture tells us that the Women's Rights Movement, the Feminist Movement and the Sexual Revolution unlocked our cages and set us free to be man’s equal. But have we really achieved equality?
These past hundred years have done a lot for us as women. Newly enfranchised, we’ve risen to the top of every profession and academic field available. We receive more diplomas than our male counterparts and outperform them at work. We don’t need help lifting boxes, opening doors or starting world-changing organizations. As women, it seems we’ve reached the heights of equality. But, what’s really happened is that our prisons were simply relocated. Chained no longer to husbands and children, we are slaves to sexuality.
As Twenty-First Century women, we are oversexed and underdressed from the time we are strong enough to walk (toddler bikinis or MTV’s
Skins
). Abstinence and modest attire oppress; the girls who choose this lifestyle must hide their purity or accept being social school outcasts. We see that only skimpy, sexy and skinny get noticed—and there is nothing worse than going unnoticed. Walk into the junior’s department and you’ll stumble into a lingerie shop: sweet 16 lost its sweetness.
Where is a woman’s right to choose to be more than the sum of the sexual pleasure she gives?
The Porn industry is quickly becoming one of the most lucrative industries in the world. And while our culture verbally condemns sex trafficking, it physically consents to it by indulging in easy-access porn and encouraging a hookup culture.
Sure, prostitution and porn have been on the fringes of culture for ages; but our culture’s ideas of personal sexual rights have created an environment where illicit sexuality is standardized and fringe practices become the norm. In this type of culture, the idea of a woman is now hardly more than a sexual object of satisfaction. Instead of broadening our horizons with our own careers, our own 401Ks, and our own pursuits of income equality, we have accepted our prison bedrooms. We trade sex for mere attention.
But casual sex
is
freedom from restraint, some cry. It is consummating our freedom from oppressive husbands and forced motherhood. We have the freedom and the legal right to choose our own destinies. Far from denouncing feminism and the movement for women’s rights, we must march further.
But are we really
free
?
On some level we are. A woman’s right to choose is a new freedom and a new idea. Easy access to contraceptives and no-questions-asked abortions allows us to take off our pants at a moment’s notice because we don't need to make sure that each man is a keeper. Our identity and value in our families and society used to be tied intrinsically to our production and rearing of multiple (male) children. In this last century, however, the ability to chose a pregnancy became a right as birth-control technology and the realization of our independent rights became more solid. The feminist movement unlocked the front door of husbands’ homes allowing us to venture on career paths and to carve out respectable identities based on our own achievements. For the first time in history, a woman can be more than her ability to produce children and to iron pants.
Easy access to abortion makes it easier for men and women to have sex without the natural consequences and responsibilities: babies, families, relationships. But the easy access we have all enjoyed to legal contraceptives and abortions in the United States has led to easier and easier access to our bodies. How is that what once cost men flowers, dinner and a verbal pledge to a lifetime commitment now only requires a look and a nod to the bathroom at the back of the airplane? Lovemaking has been reduced to what we can do with our hands and our mouths. Along our quest for freedom and equality, sex has lost its sacred dangerousness and women have lost their esteem and value.
Historically, women have been the moral gatekeepers of society. Now, many of us are endlessly harassed and sexually abused. Our fractured beings are unable to keep society’s moral gate shut, so it is a sexual free-for-all whether we want it to be or not. The mindset of abuse is so pervasive in our culture that even women who have never been abused walk with a limp because we no longer know what holy sexuality is.
“The Most dangerous place for African-Americans is in the Womb” is
the slogan
that appeared for a few days on a billboard hanging in New York City’s SoHo neighborhood. The billboard was part of a campaign funded by
Life Always
, a Texas group whose Board of Directors includes pastors Stephen Broden and Derek McCoy (both successful, black men), Abby Johnson (former director of Planned Parenthood who resigned in 2009), and Brian Follet (founder of Life Foundation). Many commenters boiled on the offensiveness and racism in this advertisement. If we only focus on the use of race, however, we risk ignoring the central message of this billboard.
It was designed to be a provocative image of an even more provocative fact; that roughly
50%
of all African American pregnancies in NYC end in abortion. While I am not in a position to validate or invalidate this statistic, it is undeniable many women have abortions and that we often crave without wanting children. But this is impossible; no birth control works that well. Sex and babies are forever linked in a consequential relationship. Easy access to abortions decreased the cost of sexual intercourse and increased access to the female body by limiting the physical consequences of sex.
The problem of over sexualization in our culture goes beyond individual identities and rests in the way our entire culture addresses sexuality and gender identity. As women, we mock our emotions, judge our own intelligence, appraise our bodies and advertise our sexual skills. Throughout the different waves of feminism, we sought to compete with the men on their own turf. In doing so, we’ve conceded our unique gifts and have lost our own sense of being. We need to continue the movement our grandmothers began and continue growing in these freedoms as we fortify them with personal responsibility and biblical truths of feminine identity.
We often define ourselves by sexuality. Attire is often judged by its sex appeal, not its actual beauty. Do we really consider the aesthetics of what we are wearing or are our standards of personal beauty confined to what we are told is "sexy"?
I once heard sexy described as simply being comfortable in your own skin—we must be sexy like that, but we must not stop doing our hair and fixing our makeup and caring about our appearances. We must not stop pursing careers and the passions of our hearts, raising our children, encouraging our men and being highly successful in everything we do. Those are the things we must continue. As we live freely in our selves, we allow and encourage others to be free in their own beings. We are Women—sacred creators of life.
We must stop judging ourselves by our girlfriends and movie stars. We must not try to be skinny or trade our bodies for attention. We must stop seeking to beat the men and engage them respectfully as peers. We must be ourselves at all costs—no one else can be who you really are. We must believe in our selves and our individuality.
Our right to choose must come before the pregnancy, before the reach for contraceptives and before that first, sweet kiss. Our right to choose must come when we look in the mirror and remember that we are more than our sexuality, our bodies, and our achievements.
How can you encourage the women and young girls in your life to base their identity in the love of God and not in the culture?
What are some ways you can redeem the view of women in our culture by creating and not only criticizing?
Editor's Note: This piece was also posted on the
Good Women Project
. The image is Picasso's
Girl Before a Mirror
.
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Comments
Ben Bishop
I greatly enjoyed your article.
1) Women out perform men at work? It's certainly possible, but I am curious as to what your sources are because I've never read it before (though I don't read much feminist literature).
2) I think my favorite line is that "women are the moral gatekeepers to society." Brilliant. I applaud my wife and other women with moral rigor who keep my churlishness and childness in check. I know the eventual outcome of some of my behaviors would be very undesirable. Women have a huge moral responsibility keeping sex's "sacred dangerousness." How crass the love making in my own life would be if my bride didn't request flowers and demand gentleness, sensitivity, and restraint. Men have a responsibility in this too, and in other moral arenas their responsibility may be greater than women's (e.g. women don't innately understand "respect" for a man, thus it is my duty to be an example of it for my wife, also, I really feel only men can curb violence. Women aren't violent (on whole) and the only way to curb violence is by nonviolence, specifically by one with the potential and capacity to use violence (i.e. Men).
Stephanie Lind
Brilliant.
Joe B
Excellent article. I won't even nit-pick, which for me is a miracle. ;-)
As always, the pendulum has swung too far, so far that there is nothing special remaining in the most special thing of all. Strange that at either extremity of the pendulum's arc, sex negativity is rampant. On the unliberated end, sex is perverted by oppression, and on the unrestrained end it is perverted by trivialization.
My ministry is in Romania, preaching the gospel among internet sex workers. There the pendulum is at its farthest reach, and the culture is jaded to boredom. The hunger for meaning is filled by the Life-Giving word of faith.
Things are a mess. But there is hope, and Hope does not disappoint, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
Amy Leigh Cutler
"As we live freely in our selves, we allow and encourage others to be free in their own beings. We are Women—sacred creators of life. "
This is beautiful Caitie.
Tom Hlushak
You Go Girl - Very proud of you :0)...........Dad
Colleen B
Such an encouraging article! There must be a reinstatement of feminist ideas and Christan women should be at the forefront of the mission. We have exchanged our identity as daughters of the King and taken on the role of playmate. Many women pride themselves on their ability of choice, however; their choice is always enslavement. Women have marched, voted, and spoken forth the truth in the face of adversity. It is time that we once again formulate one voice. We are not at odds against men, but against our own gender. Respect and identity are formed through the eyes of men, but insisted by the Word of God. Until a woman knows her worthy, she will continue to allow others to label her with words, actions, and sexual slurs.
In Christ,
Colleen
Stephanie James
I think this article is sadly, only the beginning of what's going on. I think by and large women have turned to our overly sexual culture because it is the only "place" we have given women. With women having freedom like never before it should have made us evaluate what place women do hold in the church and in the family. Instead we've made women choose either the traditionalist place as before or to become a female with the same job as a man. Women should be women proudly, and men should be men.
With a growing pressure in the 60s, and later, to break away from traditional family roles I think womenhood became a disjointed push into hedonism. "Do whatever you want, it's your right" is not a place in society, it's a quest for a place.
It isn't surprising that in these years to follow women's sexuality has become a place for women in society. Since we as women can not stand out side of the other 50% of the population women looked for a role in society. It isn't a far stretch from "...We are Women—sacred creators of life," to a sexually valued being in a world that values instant pleasure, self-seeking, and drive to accomplish for our own. Its a disastrous combination. I believe the church is only beginning to see this as a problem that involves her.
Becca Serra
"We must be ourselves at all costs—no one else can be who you really are. We must believe in our selves and our individuality."
Truth. A message for ALL perhaps...
Danielle
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html?_r=2&smid=fb-share&pagewanted=all
Or we can just have good sound sexual education courses and provide our children with a well rounded foundation to make their own choices.
Ted
This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Caitie. Your passion for a better view of our sexuality is inspiring. I hope and pray for a world that heeds this message and finds their true worth.
I look forward to more great ideas from you.
Angie
Bravo, Caitie. "But, what’s really happened is that our prisons were simply relocated. Chained no longer to husbands and children, we are slaves to sexuality."
I am thankful for much of what the feminist movement has accomplished, but deeply troubled by the oversexualization of women. I hope to hear more from you and Q on this. And I pray God raises up many Christians to bring change and hope to this mess through Jesus' definition of equality!
Amber Lapp
Great article!
Chris Savage
"As women, we mock our emotions, judge our own intelligence, appraise our bodies and advertise our sexual skills. Throughout the different waves of feminism, we sought to compete with the men on their own turf. In doing so, we’ve conceded our unique gifts and have lost our own sense of being."
--great quote
I think the overall idea that women have risen to a place of responsibility and empowerment in Western Culture that is unmatched in most of the world, but have allowed femininity to be prostituted and debased on the other side of the scale is a really good point that I haven't thought about enough and was challenged to do so by this article.
How can you encourage the women and young girls in your life to base their identity in the love of God and not in the culture?
This is a hard question. The main thing to do is to continue to point to God as the source of love for their life. The hard thing about it is that believing and recieving that is tough due to family background and broken theology.
I often tell people that I look forward to being old so that I can tell women that they are great looking without it making my wife feel less as my wife. I think you can get away with all kinds of great encouraging things when you are old.
I also just plan to adore and love my daughters (whenever I have them) to death. Daddy dates will be on the schedule and they will know that they are the most enchanting women in the world --so they won't need to dress for attention.
What are some ways you can redeem the view of women in our culture by creating and not only criticizing?
Encouraging women who have a biblical view of womanhood. I'm so glad that women are being released in our culture to step into leadership. Women that are secure in who they are as a person and as a women need to be celebrated. Maybe go on Oprah :)
Comments are now closed
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